


Are You Still Here?

by AnAnYaH



Series: It's Halloween Again [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dead John, Ghost John Watson, Hurt, M/M, Mycroft Being a Good Brother, Mycroft Worries, Ouija, Sherlock in Denial, Sick Sherlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-20 03:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20668199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAnYaH/pseuds/AnAnYaH
Summary: Sherlock wants John to answer the Ouija.





	Are You Still Here?

Never had he thought that he could survive a moment knowing his beloved John has left his life. The first time he had experienced any sense of grief and self-doubt and defeat over his brilliant and overconfident self was when he lost his best friend's wife on his own watch. But this was nothing like that, he doesn't feel defeated, he doesn't feel any grief, he doesn't feel anything. He feels nothing. Staring at the black ceiling of Mycroft's car made more sense than feeling or thinking about anything on his way back to Baker Street. Of course Mycroft is saying something, but that doesn't mean he has to listen. Mycroft surely doesn't want Sherlock to be in Baker Street tonight. He made his intentions very clear when he took a different turn. 

'Take me to Baker Street or I'll jump of this car ' seems like Sherlock wasn't that deep into himself as Mycroft had deduced.

''I am not indulging your well constructed plan of self harm Sherlock''

'Take me to Baker Street, that is a lot less effort. I am not going to kill myself.I just need some time alone'

''Dr.Watson is gone. You want me to believe you are not planning to hang yourself dead?''

'Rosie Watson is not losing another parent tonight.I won't do that to her. I won't do that to him.So please..'

On the stairs to his flat he could hear the thud of John's cane from the very first time they visited 221B. If he had known that yesterday was the last time they were climbing those stairs together, he would've have taken John's hand , kissed those knuckles and thanked that wonderful man for their every moment of togetherness . He would've kept John locked in a cell miles away from the world or death. But thinking about what never happened is not the thing which is going to bring John back.If the Ouija Board is true, if John is still out there somewhere, is it not possible to bring him back ?

Sherlock banged the door open , rushed to the Ouija board , misery and anxiety evident in every breath he took. Good thing he left Rosie on Mrs Hudson's watch,so now that he is alone he could finally talk to John and understand the happenings of the day. Sherlock took no time to place his finger on the pointer and shoot his first question. Surprisingly this was straight forward, didn't sound like a man who had just lost the love of his life , didn't sound like a man who had just seen his beloved lying lifeless on a morgue , doesn't sound like a man who an hour ago had accepted the death of his best friend.It's like,he is drowning again. It's like, he is hoping again. 

'John … Are you here ? '

There was no responding movement from the game that Sherlock so desperately wanted to be something other than a machine . May be the question needed a little specificity.

'Doctor John Hamish Watson…… Are you here?' 

There was no reply again. It was dumb of him to realize after this long that the door wasn't locked and the lights were still on. Summoning dead needed measures. And he took no moment to close the door, look for new candles and finally switching of the lights.He hit his knees and chest hard when he tripped over the Ouija board trying to walk in that dark room. Fuck it! He took the board from the floor and limped his way back to his bed. 

' John I know you are here…. Just answer. ' That wasn't a proper question was it? So he repeated his former question ' Doctor John Hamish Watson…… Are you here?' 

'John? I felt you at the morgue , you replied earlier , so why not now? Are you here with me John?'

Science or no science, Sherlock wanted that fucking pointer to move.At this very moment Sherlock doesn't want to be that clever bloody genius who fails the basic Idiomotor effect on which the Ouija works. He just wanted an answer be it from John or from his own subconscious, it doesn't matter. He needed something. But maybe was just too clever for the machine.

'Don't play with me. Just move the fucking pointer and get it over with. Yes? '

Nothing

'Just spell Hi to me John… Please '

'Anything John… anything… Just say something please'

'please… Are you here with me John?'

'Is anyone here?'

Nothing

'So you can reply to Rose, but replying to me is so tiring?'

'I saw you there...I SAW YOU THERE AT THE MORGUE… you held my hands ...I felt you…. I FUCKING SAW YOU...… Now you wanna tell me I'm delusional ? It was nothing but my brain? Not happening John Watson. If you think not replying to me will help me to move on, this is the lamest thing I've ever heard. I need you John… and if you are out there somewhere , I only need that to survive. You've left me with Rose, I am not selfish enough to leave her. So I need you as my drug John.. Talk to me…. Something...Are you here?Doctory John Hamish Watson, are you here?'

Nothing

Struck by anger , when the blood flowed into his hand he furiously grasped the useless board and threw it so hard that it hit the wall and broke in half. 

The rush of hormones, that uncontrollable anger , the frustration, the loss , that 'Nothing' made his heart to race beyond his control. His head spun and he fell right on the bed. His teeth chattered as he shivered with fever , heart pounding against his chest . The dark room kept on spinning , till the brain gave up and the eyes closed. 

When Mrs Hudson brought in tea the next day, Sherlock was still in bed wrapped in his blanket.  
She gently woke Sherlock up. When Sherlock opened his eyes… He looked blankly at Mrs.Hudson. There was nothing left in his eyes, no spirit, no hope. He looked pale and worn of. 

' I bought your tea dear, freshen up ' Mrs Hudson took the broken pieces of the board to avoid further accident, Sherlock curled up more inside his blanket. The cold was unbearable. 'Rosie wants to see you '

''I can't...Not now ''

'I understand' always the generous.

''Mrs. Hudson?.... Thank you for the blanket ''

'What blanket dear? Do you need one ? '

''No this one's enough''

'Which one?'

**Author's Note:**

> Story continues in the next parts.


End file.
